My daughter was screaming and throwing a fit as we were walking out of her gymnastics class tonight. I had asked her to make herself a sandwich before we left the house because I knew she would be hungry. She chose not to. As we were walking to the car after her class she asked me to take her by a fast food place to grab some dinner. And I said "No, this is why I asked you to make a sandwich earlier. And you chose not to. Now, you are going to have to live with that choice. You can make yourself a sandwich when we get home. I am not stopping for food."
And that my friends is when she went full on melt down mode. Crying and saying some not so kind stuff to her momma. "You're the meanest mom in the whole wide world!!!"
I usually don't take this kind of stuff personally. But dang it. It's hard some days. You know, those days when you yourself are feeling emotionally fragile.
It has been a long week. We are navigating some firsts in our family. The first death of a loved one. I’ve been through this myself, but it’s a first for me as a momma. And a first for my kids, ages 8 and 12.
My daughter is extremely empathetic and sometimes I forget this. I too am what some might consider an empath. I am deeply affected by others feelings and emotions. Even on a spiritual level. It's one of the reasons I have a difficult time processing if in a room with too many people. Call it sensory issues or whatever. I feel deeply for people. Which gives me incredible compassion, but also drains me emotionally. And sometimes makes me want to stuff everything down until I am numb. Macy and my son, Levi are both very sensitive to this as well. And when you are a sensitive being it can be hard trying to navigate your own hurt and sorrow, let alone those who you love and care for, as well.
My daughter stood stoically as she walked up to her great aunts casket. She was taking everything in-- The absolutely gorgeous spray of flowers covering the casket. Even the color of the casket. "Mom, what kind of casket is this? It's so pretty!" Some might think this as odd. Why on earth would an 8 year old be so interested in the casket make and model? Well, friends, that's the family business. My husband's family has been manufacturing burial vaults and distributing caskets for 50 years now. She plays in casket warehouses. Helps her dad work on them and move them around. It's all she's known. So it's not a "scary" or odd thing to her at all. We both agreed that Mary looked beautiful. Although she didn't quite look like herself. We had talked before the funeral and I shared with Macy that Mary's vibrant personality lit her up from the inside out. But because her spirit was no longer in her body, she may look a little or a lot different. Mary had cerebral palsy, but she didn't let it stop her from giving the best hugs ever. When I first met Mary I wasn't quite sure how to interact with her. I had not ever been around someone with a disability. She didn't waste a second hugging my neck and warming the room with her infectious smile. I had to get over my insecurities pretty quick. When I would see her she would always ask about my husband and her nephew, Greg, first. She loved him the most. Can't say I blame her. He is pretty great.
Macy stood quietly taking everything in. She wasn't afraid in the least. She was the most brave and kind.
But I know it was a lot, emotionally, for her. So later tonight when she was starting to melt down I just sat quietly. Sure, I wanted to yell. I wanted to convince her of her wrong doing. To scold her for not listening to me and doing as I had asked. I could almost feel the smoke coming out of my ears. And then almost in an audible voice I heard "Show her grace."
Uhmm-- Excuse me? Show this little girl who just threw a nasty fit (in public, mind you) and said terribly ugly things to me, GRACE?
Yep.
So instead of taking the right that would put us on the highway home. I made a U-turn and pulled into the Subway drive-thru.
"Macy, I know you are hurting. But just because you are uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you get to hurt others with your words or actions."
"I know, mommy. I am so sorry I said those things. You are not the meanest mom. You are the best mom."
And then I ordered us both a sandwich because sometimes your hangry and need a sandwich.
And sometimes you're hurting and you need someone to just show you some grace.
There have been many, many times where I have been an ungrateful little girl. When I have thrown ugly fits and said ugly things. And yet, every.single.time my Heavenly Father shows me grace. Not just here or there or if I ask the right way. But...
EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
And so the Living Expression
became a man and lived among us!
And we gazed upon the splendor of his glory,
the glory of the One and Only
who came from the Father overflowing
with tender mercy and truth!
John taught the truth about him
when he announced to the people,
"He's the One! Set your hearts on him!
I told you he would come after me,
for he existed before I was even born.
And now out of his fullness we are fulfilled!
And from him we receive grace heaped upon more grace!"
John 1:14-16 The Passion Translation
We live in a world where you don't get second chances. Where grace is not extended like it should be. And we wonder why our children are not compassionate. And why we all lack empathy...
There is nothing like "Grace, grace, God's grace." But what kind of world would we live in if we started extending grace to those around us who need it the most? To our children...who are so forgiving in the beginning. They love us and forgive us even when we suck it up. But somewhere along the road, nurture starts to override everything else. And we wonder why our children lack empathy and compassion. Parents we have to set the example. We have to be willing to extend grace and give second chances. And I want you all to know, that I am talking to myself more than I am talking to anyone else. I need to set the example. I need to be willing to extend grace and give second chances. Tonight I was reminded of that.
My prayer:
Father, I thank you. I bless you. I praise you. Thank you, Father for your grace. For your sovereign grace. That never changes. That never ceases. You are the same today, as you were long ago, and you will be the same tomorrow and the next day. Father God, thank you for Jesus Christ. He is the ultimate offering of grace. And I just lay my face at His feet. I am not worthy of this sacrifice. I am not worthy of this grace. Yet, you give it anyway. Unrelenting. Unwavering. Unconditional. Oh Father, teach me. Show me. Breath into me, your grace, your compassion, your love. Help me to always show grace to those that I know need it the very most. Help me to teach my children and to love them well. You are so good, Father. So so good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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