Last week, I vowed to be raw, and honest even when it hurts. Digging up experiences that have made me the person I am today can be invigorating, but it can also be exhausting. I’m thankful for my journey. I often think if I had it easy there’s no way I would be leaning on my savior the way I do. I hate to admit that. But it’s true. I am fully aware that I need Christ. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. EVERYDAY. I am so incredibly flawed. But I am a child of God. A co-heir with Christ Jesus. And because of that beautiful new covenant made with Christ’s blood, I am a new creation. Thank you, Jesus.
There are many things that have happened in my life that have left me marked. My parents divorce is one of those. It wounded me so deeply that I wasn’t sure I would ever be whole again. I felt like I had been t-boned at a red light. I didn’t even see it coming. I was living life like any other teenager. Making semi-questionable decisions, good grades, working hard on the basketball court, and trying my very best to not be too different. That’s the thing about growing up—Being different is perceived as bad. "Don’t do it", society tells us. "Stick with the pack. The pack is safe." I sit here today, so incredibly glad I’m different. Proud to be set apart. I’m a weirdo and I love it! Take that society!
Being set apart in a small town is even more frowned upon. “Get back in line, Missy. We don’t do different round these parts.” Okay, maybe no one ever actually said that— but I’m almost certain there were those who thought it. I’m so thankful for my Aunt who showed me a world existed outside “the bubble” or off of “the island,” as some people call it. Don’t get me wrong guys, I love this small town I grew up in. It has so many incredible perks. Like just the other day my 11 year old left his glasses on the side walk while he was at football practice. Y’all, don’t even get me started. Yes, he thought the side walk was a safe place for his glasses. (Insert face palm here.) 11 year olds, man. So anyway, I pick him up from practice and he is totally freaking out. Because of course, 1 and 1/2 hours later his glasses that were on the side walk are no where to be found. At this point I am trying not to turn into "Scary Mommy." You mom's know what I mean, right? When smoke comes out of your ears right before your head actually explodes. There were a handful of people still at the field and so we asked them if they had seen them. Levi had heard through "the grapevine" that someone saw someone else pick up the glasses. Didn't seem like super reliable information. But it's all we had. One of the guys we asked had been at practice with his kids. He said he would ask around. He said "Your Ben's sister, right?" I giggled. Because yes, I am Ben's sister. Small towns are cool like that. If they don't know you personally, it's likely they know someone you're related to. P.S. This is why you should NEVER and I mean, NEVER talk smack about anyone in a small town. Besides the obvious reason of course-- Because the person you are talking to is probably related in some way shape or form to the person you are talking smack about. Just trust me on this one. I then did what any sane and desperate person would do-- I made a Facebook plea/post. I posted it on our community Facebook page and my own social media accounts. I was beyond frustrated. It was past 8PM on a school night and Greg was out of town. So I was on my own. While still trying not to turn into "Scary Mommy," I lit into Levi about being more responsible. He felt so bad. I could tell he was so sad he had let himself and me down. That moment was definitely a life lesson.
Life lesson #27: Don't leave your glasses on the side walk while you practice football. (Insert another face palm here.)
I saw a message ping on my Instagram inbox. When we got to our county road I stopped and opened it. The nice guy that we had talked to at the field said HE FOUND LEVI'S GLASSES. Ya'll it was a Christmas Miracle in September. Ben's sister was pumped. ;)
I whipped my car around and drove the 10 minutes back to town to meet him with the glasses. He said his daughter had seen them lying on the ground. So she picked them up. I mean, isn't that what any one in their right mind would do? LOL I am so beyond grateful that she did pick them up. And I am so beyond grateful for her dad, who was so kind and said he would ask around for me, and then sent Ben's sister (in case you're not following, that's me) a message that he had indeed found them! He was incredibly apologetic. But I assured him he had absolutely nothing to apologize for. Thank you, Jesus for small towns. Where else would this kind of scenario happen? It's straight up Hallmark movie material.
We were created for community, my friends.
"Discover creative ways to encourage others and to motivate them towards acts of compassion, doing beautiful works as expressions of love. This is not the time to pull away and neglect meeting together, as some have formed the habit of doing, because we need each other!" Hebrews 10:24-25 TPT
I think back to the times in my life where I was isolated from community. They were some of my darkest moments. When Greg was in Iraq and I was growing a human. I felt so incredibly alone in this world. And then when he came home and I became a mother, I was no longer physically alone. But emotionally I felt like I was. Sure, Greg's body was home. But his mind and heart were other places. And looking back I know he was doing the very best he could with what he had. He was trying to heal. During this time period I knew I needed community. A friend of mine had recently enrolled in cosmetology school. I thought, "Hmmm, that sounds like fun." So I made the decision to enroll in a local school. I look back and I know the only reason I really decided to go to school was to make friends. Sure, I'd have a handy trade too. But that wasn't really my driving motivation. And boy, did God bless me with some of the greatest relationships through that process. Friends that I still keep in touch with to this very day. Relationships that led to other relationships that led to some of the most meaningful friendships and relationships that I have ever had. I was created for community. And so were you.
Through my adventures at cosmetology school I met my friend, Yvette, through her daughter, Lindsey. Because of this connection I learned about a fitness program called P31 Fitness. I became a fitness trainer for them. Through this community of incredible women I have built even more wonderful meaningful relationships. This community poured into me and was instrumental in raising me up to become a leader. When I entered this fitness program I knew Christ. But I wasn't active or growing in my relationship with him. Because this was a faith-based workout program I had to get into God's word every week if I was going to teach it. I learned so much about who He was and still is. And whose I am. Over the next 5 years that girl who walked into that gym early one morning started to disappear. And in her place stands a bold woman who knows whose she is. I cannot imagine my life without those relationships or those communities.
When I look back I see my Heavenly Father's intricate fingerprints on every little detail. Because I had followed a prompting to go to cosmetology school to make friends...Because Yvette made a Facebook post about an amazing workout she had experienced in a teeny town in Texas...Because I followed yet another prompting to drive 40 minutes at 4 in the morning (CRAZY!) to go workout with a community of women...Because I said yes to becoming a trainer...Because I opened my bible and began to discover who this omnipotent God is. Because of all of this and more...I found my tribe. I found my community. I found my calling. I found peace. I found strength. I found purpose. I found Christ. I found Holy Spirit.
He was waiting for me all along. And when I finally got to experience the awe of the Glory of God...I knew I was right where I was meant to be all along. My anointed journey had brought me to that very moment, to that community, to those relationships that would strengthen my walk with The Father.
"And now we are brothers and sisters in God's family because of the blood of Jesus, and he welcomes us to come right into the most holy sanctuary in the heavenly realm--boldly and with no hesitation. For he has dedicated a new, life-giving way for us to approach God. For just as the veil was torn in two, Jesus' body was torn open to give us free and fresh access to him!" Hebrews 10:19-20 TPT
We were created for relationship. Relationship with each other. But even more so, relationship with our Heavenly Father.
The enemy will try to isolate you. He will try to make you feel and believe that you are alone. But listen closely, my friend. You, yes, YOU-- are your Father's Radiant One.
"Listen, my radiant one--
If you ever lose sight of me,
just follow in my footsteps where I lead my lovers.
Come with your burdens and cares.
Some to the place near the sanctuary of my shepherds.
My dearest one,
Let me tell you how I see you--
you are so thrilling to me.
To gaze upon you is like looking
at one of Pharaoh's finest horses--
a strong, regal steed pulling his royal chariot.
Your tender cheeks are aglow--
your earrings and gem-laden necklaces
set them ablaze.
We will enhance your beauty,
encircling you with our golden reins of love.
You will be marked with our redeeming grace."
Song of Songs 1:8-11
So you see, I am no longer marked by my wounds or my short falls.
P.S. Here's my music pick for the week.
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