She Was Made For More

"Mom, I am the only one without a twin for tomorrow."

Say what?

"A twin. You know, for Twin Day! It's Red Ribbon week. I am the only one who doesn't have a friend to dress up with."

**Instant pains to my momma heart**

Oh, well I could be your twin!

"Mom, you're not a kid and you don't even go to school here."

I could see the tears welling in her eyes. And all I could do was get her and I to the car before all the emotions took over. And it wasn't just her emotions I was worried about. I really wanted to walk back into the school and say "WHAT THE HEK? What were you guys thinking?"

But I refrained. I know myself enough to know that if I am feeling those momma heart pains I should not immediately react. I should give myself some time to breath and contemplate. Momma Bear isn't super rational. She likes to roar first and ask questions later.

I was feeling so many big things in that tiny moment. Sadness for my daughter who felt left out. Anger at the school because didn't they know this was going to happen? And then guilt. Immense guilt.

Last year was the first year at this school for my kids. We decided to move schools because this one seemed like a better fit. I was so nervous for my kids, but especially my daughter. I remembered being the new kid. It's a memory I would rather not carry. And it's one that has shaped the person I am. I will always say hello to someone new. I will always try to be inclusive to others. Because there was a time in my life where I was not included. And.It.Was.Painful Growing up in a small town, you aren't really "from" there unless your grandma was born there-- like in her childhood home on main street. Then you count. But otherwise-- you don't. Even as a 6 year old I felt like an outsider. And I remember that feeling. I wanted to spare my children that feeling. So when we felt called to move our kids to a different school the anxiety started to trickle in.

My son had a pretty flawless entrance. He made friends quickly and easily. But my daughter had a more difficult time. For months she would cry after school because she felt like she didn't have any friends. Even using the phrase "I'm not popular enough." Yes, my 7 year old said that. Of course, my heart ached for her. But her father's response was even more heart wrenching. He hurt so deeply for his little girl. As the year went on, it did get better. Thank goodness. This gave us an opportunity to speak with our daughter about showing kindness to others. We all learned a little something through that experience. But mostly I learned how tender hearted my husband was. That big ole Marine Corp Veteran is a softy when it comes to his kids.

On the drive home I was really irritated with the school. And then I realized that there is no way I can shelter my kids from all hurt. As much as I want to, it cannot be done. Sometimes it's about teaching them how to persevere. This world is a cold dark place and it will try and tear her apart. My job as her mother is to love her and protect her, but also to teach her. To teach her how to be a brave. How to be a friend. How to love others. How to be inclusive. How to be nonjudgemental. How to be kind. How to be more like Jesus.

And then I had an idea. A divine thought is more like it. Macy has the sweetest cousin who is a little older than her. But they are at the same school. I asked Macy if we could call her and see if she had anyone to dress up with. Macy's face lit up! There's the girl I know.

We called and this girl was so excited that Macy asked her to be her twin. Her grandmother said "it made her day" that Macy asked! You guys!!! When I heard that, my momma heart swelled. So not only was Macy feeling included, but now so was another child. And in that moment I knew. My daughter is anointed and appointed just like her mother is. She is called to be different. She is called to be an outsider. She will never be just like everyone else. She.Was.Made.For.More

If I could wrap my kids in bubble wrap-- I would in a heart beat. If I could take on every hurt they will ever face and wear it day in and day out-- I would IN.A.HEART.BEAT And today I was reminded that my Heavenly Father feels the same about me. He loved me so much that He sent His only son to die for me on a cross. Jesus wore all of my sin. ALL.OF.IT So that I don't have to. That is LOVE, my friends.

Now, excuse me while I go cry tears of gratitude and joy...

Heavenly Father, thank you for Macy. Thank you for making me her momma. Thank you for teaching me and ever so gently guiding me as I parent. Thank you for making us different. For setting us apart. I pray that I always find ways to glorify you and your kingdom as I navigate this life. We are not citizens of this earth, but citizens belonging to your heavenly realm. How lucky are we?